The Weekly Bugle runs every week and includes all of the interesting and cool things we see around the web, but just didn’t quite make it as Featured News. The views expressed by JJJ are not necessarily those of Superior Spider-Talk – who honestly hope Jonah pursues a career in pizza.
AND THE OSCAR FOR MOST HAIR-BRAINED CASTING GOES TO –
J Jonah Jameson here, with more news and speculation about the upcoming movie starring yours truly. What is a hero without his own rogues gallery? BORING – and that is one word that will NEVER be in the same sentence as J JONAH JAMESON! Except for that one of course. Regardless, I’m here to tell you that the best villains are often an exact opposite of the hero – a disgusting and putrid mirror to better show off the handsome and admirable qualities of the main man! Who better to face off against an honest, trustworthy, and responsible journalist like me – than a masked, anonymous, and irresponsible vigilante like Spider-Man?! THE ENTIRE INTERNET is abuzz with what direction the casting should go for the only person who wants to hide his face in my upcoming films – SEE FOR YOURSELF!
TOP NEWS STORIES
Donald Glover thinks: “I just want the Spider-Man… to be dope, that’s all I want”. Donald Glover is wrong – as Spider-man should be dopey, sloppy, and un-cool.
Dan Slott thinks: “One of the reasons why Spider-Man speaks to everyone around the world is that mask… that gives him the freedom to be anyone”. Dan Slott is wrong – Spider-Man is the constantly promoting Terror – not Freedom.
Christopher Barnes thinks: “But for whoever they pick, I’m sure that as long as they stay true to the archetype and spirit of what Spider-Man is, they’ll do a fantastic job”. Chris is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! I am in total agreement, and hopefully too, the people behind casting will select someone who conveys a violent archetype and captures the spirit of a WALL-CRAWLING, DANGEROUS, and CRIMINALLY INSANE DEGENERATE!!!
This hefty video-to-the-editor analyzes NORMAN OSBORN. I too wonder if the corporate leader with a shady past will make some sort of appearance on the big screen. Watch for yourself – do you think the former head of H.A.M.M.E.R. would be a good addition to the cast? Thankfully this noodle-haired hack hasn’t been seen outside of a cell in a long time -thanks of course to my fine administration. I doubt we’ll hear from Norman any time soon – but I admit his capture and incarceration would be an exciting addition to a movie full of my life achievements.
IN OTHER NEWS…